Left Eye Blind

“Hello Sir, my name is Lieutenant Schoeman from the traffic police department. How are you this morning?” Okay… balls. This isn’t good. Where was I last night? “Hello Sir can you hear me?”…What happened again? Maybe she has the wrong number?...” Sir, am I speaking to Mr Douglas?” Oh poo. Why is my face so swollen?

Puberty in Public

Puberty is a strange thing. Never mind the uncontrollable raging hard on’s and the overwhelming fascination with your teachers boobs, the most difficult part I found was the temper tantrums. In a flash I would go from “Ha ha ha that was funny: You put a drawing pin on my chair” to “Eat the pin you little effer! Eat it!” Yesterday was one such day. Today I’m getting caned by the Principal: Three strikes per infringement so that’s nine lashings with the thinnest most wicked little cane.

Resident Evil

Its 05:00am and about 5 degrees Celsius. Cruising along in a pair of shorts, a ripped shirt and no shoes while sitting on the fuel tank on my motorbike. The road looks like a lane of black marshmallows, with the trees swaying from side to side like in the Jungle Book movie, as we head back to school to drop off the Fender Strata PA system.

Getting out of Hand

Cold tiles. As my eyes adjust all I can remember is ice cold floor tiles. I remember thinking the lounge looks pretty interesting from this angle. The sun slices its way through the kitchen blinds and slowly warms up my toes while I fall back to sleep again. My work college steps over me to get to the kettle and says “Mate – you look terrible in pink and you're running seriously late for work”…Partying hard on a work night is a kak idea.